How To Break a Leg...!

Click pictures to enlarge:
1. Enjoy a perfect day, cross-country skiing
in the beautiful Norwegian mountains.
Prepare for descent down a steep hill...
2. At high speed: Fall forward to ensure an
immediate stop. Find your ski and leg behind
you, rotated 180. If result is pain, cramps
and jelly-like leg: Wait for helicopter. Else:
Return to top of mountain and try again.
3. Wake up after 4 hours of surgery. Hope
that any loose pieces are connected with
a metal rail (inside bone) and fastened
to this rail with at least 3 bolts.
4. Stay in hospital for 6 days, constantly
taking heavy pain medicine. Pull a rope tied
around your foot to prevent leg and ancle
from stiffening and to maintain strong pain.
5. When not lying down: Use a comfortable
chair. Elevate leg on 5-6 pillows.
Wait for swelling to go down, colors returning
to normal - and wait for fracture to heal...
6. After two weeks, have a doctor or your
sister (if qualified) remove 12 stitches.
Wait...
7. For variety, have your chair moved
around the house every 2 weeks.
Keep waiting...
8. Practice using your crutches, gradually
increasing your operating distance from
your favorite chair. Avoid load on broken leg.
Wait even more...
9. After 3 months, fracture is still not healed.
Go back for surgery to remove a bolt, as this
will force contact between bone-ends.
Continue waiting for fracture to heal...
10. Return to hospital 1 month later to
discover that bone-ends were indeed forced
and the fracture has shifted 1 inch. As an
added bonus, tendons are fastened in
scar tissue, preventing normal movement.
11. Reduce weight load on fracture by
once again using both crutches carefully
for another 3 months. Then, gradually
increase load, eventually getting off
crutches 9 months after the accident.
12. One year after the accident, fracture
will have grown and pain decreased enough
to once again try skiing in beauitiful
Norwegian nature.
If desirable, repeat procedure from step 1.
13. Another 10 months go by...
What goes in must come out! Orthopedic
surgeons are good miners, and have no
problems finding a 1ft/32 cm metal rail
or two screws inside an average leg.
14. After another two weeks of waiting,
the 9 stitches can be removed. Follow
doctor's orders and avoid heavy load or
rotation for another two months.
15. Wait the long two months and try to
resist the tempting winter outside...
It's finally time to put those skis back on,
and - quite remarkably: The pain is gone!
You are ready to break another leg...

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Last updated: 08 mar 2002